Posts Tagged ‘god have mercy’

Sick again – Hoping God to solve it all – and no desire to study

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

Yesterday I was out for a coffee with Tony an old frined from the Old metal days, after that I went outwith Lily I drinked 200 gr of Vodka and a Beer. I was pretty desparate actually and I got very drunk I got home 04:10 and got to bed at 4:30. What can I say life is hard. Today Mitko called at dinner time and we drinked a coffee on the fountain. The night we went out in the Central park and drinked a beer per man. I’m starting to think about the meaningless of my life again, since my life seems without a real purpose and seems not going nowhere ( we humans are so weak ). Yesterday I have almost taken the decision to suicide. It almost a miracle after I send lily to her home and was going back home with the idea of my mind to suicide. Lily called and said she can’t unlock the door and everyone inside is sleeping and she didn’t want to disturb them. So we spend more than an hour outside. Today I feel terrible physically again. I really can’t take it anymore I need Jesus to bless me with a healing (Save me Holy Lord, Lord Jesus son of the Blessed God have mercy over me the sinner heal me Lord and Deliver me from all sickness and affliction and pain Heal my Soul, Body and Spirit, make me whole to be able to serve you again :[ Amen) My computer went down twice today I have a problem with the cooling. The cooler should be cleaned but I guess this will happen after our Room’s repair is completed. By the way Both Pc-Freak and Jericho are on the terrace. Because repair works are being done into the room. Day after day I ask my self the question when I will be healed again. I do smoke a lot of cigarettes for which I’m ashamed of myself (But it’s an act of desperation). By the way I don’t have any desire to study anymore I’d like to do things with FreeBSD and learn stuff. If God is merciful to me and heals me probably I’ll continue to live otherwise I guess I’ll end badly. Very often come to the point Nobody out there cares, them I feel the presence of God’s spirit I remember the Bible’s instruction towards doubtful mind and try return back to the Faith of the Eternal, It’s like a sort of schizofrenia (I believe, I don’t believe). I’m sure both cannot be true. Very often I think I deserve more but since God’s rightous probably that’s what I deserve. I tried do good for so many people and to care for as much people I’m very discouraged because as a reward I see it like receiving this infirmity and sickness … Something have to change or I’ll be gone …END—–

To Lumier with a bike the yesterday “action”

Monday, February 16th, 2009

Saturday was quite shaking. The morning start yearly around 8:30.Anton a friend of mine for whom I am working and for whom I am admining twoservers. Called yearly in the morning and informed me that winner.bg is not working for several hours. I logged on the server and tried to see what’s wrong.It seemed that the whole MySQL was quite messy. It even refuses to start.There were corrupted data the system seemed to be restarted twice.I won’t enter into much details here just put some moral mostly.I was desperate things looked like everything was lost. The old sqlbackups made by the automated script I use were completely useless causethey were dumped with characterset latin1 …. So everything which was in cp1251appeared like “?” questionmarks. I thought there was encoding problem and the problem might be solved with iconv, however unfortunately that was not the case.The dumps were completely useless. So as a prescription if you use cp1251 or koi8r or any cyrillic encoding and you’ve explicitly definition in /etc/my.cnfoutlining that be sure not to dump with –default-character-set=latin1 ! Never ever! do this. At a moment I felt completely forgotten by God doubt came along for a second, nevertheless I started praying even though only with hope and without faith enough I screamed “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Blessed God, have mercy on me the sinner!”. Eventually until 16:45 most of the problems were fixed. Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! I could see one more time clearly God fixing things for me. To be honest I was so messed at a poing before all came to its place that I was not knowing exactly what I am doing. I followed a couple of steps one of which was completely unsinstall the mysql server and exchange it with 5.0.75 from 5.0.65. I had to switch to innodb recovery mode level 4 and dump some of the databases and import them back. A lot of the databases I simply copied in binary format to the newly created sql server. The sql server started working again ! Blessed be God My helped and refugee! I did some shopping on Saturday 5:30 ’till 18:00. Then I tried to recover the databaess with the screwed cyrillic letters. I had to contact ganchev “shudder” a friend of mine who is pretty good in coding and worked at the same company I did for some years. He couldn’t help however he advised me to check the dumps with hexdump -C and see if the “?” questionmarks are questionmarks. In my case they were so the backups were completely useless. I was lucky that one of the database my friend Tony has backed up and the other one was for a website who was started just a few days before so data there could be recovered with a little effort and it’s not gonna be so fatal I guess. Later on during the evening I updated a couple of services like apache php eaccelerator and so on on the two freebsd servers I take care for. On the Sunday morning I had to fix a little thing a consequence from the nightly update. The php5-gd port didn’t upgraded with the portupgrade -ri cause according to portaudit it has a security flaw. However quite flashy and luckily I fixed the problem. The rest of the Sunday I spend in talks with Paco, then we went to Sali and went to Lumiere the coffee restaurant where Sali managed to arrange work for Papi. The idea of us going there was to negotiate if possible to increase Papi’s daily sallary cause today he receives only 20 EUR per day for 10 hours of work. We went to Lumiere with Bikes that Sali gave us. On our way Papi fall off his bike and hurt his leg badly … 🙁 We went there and drinked coffee, thanks God they didn’t charged me for the coffee because the restaurant owners (Aidyn and Tazira) said the coffee I don’t need to pay for. After that we went back home we had small argue with Papi for which I deeply regret. I should thanks God for granting me from his divine mercy and doing so much for me the sinner. Quite in a few minutes I’ll be praying a bit and going to bed. Let’s hope that the Lord will be blessing me and helping me in my work and studies in the coming week just like he did so far. Just to conclude my post. Glory be to you Almighty and all merciful Lord my stronghold and my refugee! Hallelujah!END—–