☩ Walking in Light with Christ – Faith, Computing, Diary

I feel in a huge distress these days. My heart tears on a thousand of pieces.I have clashes and quarrels at school. Today I almost cracked out during oneof the IBP meetings. The devil tries to oppress me hardly. I broke the Lenta bit because I bought a coffee from a vending machine at school and I realizedit contains milk right after I have paid for it since I have paid I couldn’t just leave it.On Sunday there was a liturgy in the Russian Orthodox Church here in Anrnhem.The previous two nights aunt Zlatina and her husband slept at my place.I guess these had a good influence on me, however it was pretty uglythat they smoked so much in my room. I couldn’t stand the smoke anymore.I’m broken hearted as I said already. I have some confort in readingmy Orthodox Bible. Although it is a Lent time the priests in the Orthodox churchdid drinked that really distracted me since they insist on keeping the fast and thesaviour Jesus has prescribed us to fast. If I break the fast well that’s okay but theyare supposed to keep it since they are into priesthood. However I did sinned withthinking this bad thoughts in my heart I don’t have the right to judge them.Today I had SHR Meeting. Things are sleeping out of my mind. To be honest I feellike a completely dying man… Oh Lord please help me, sustain me in my infirmity andmadness. Don’t leave me fail and become a laughingstock for the ungodly. My mindis pretty much distracted this days as well. I don’t have a desire for anything …Day after day just existing. To be honest I experience bad feelings and the more I lookin myself I see wrongness and sinfulness and evil. I just pray that the Lord have mercyon my and grant me to pass my stuff this semester. I had a bit of work with launchinga new site design for one of the hosted websites and had some unclearances before allgot resolved. My discography of Larry Norman which I’m downloading is on it’s way to me.And I’ll have it in a couple of hours, at least that’s nice. I asked the Lord for forgivenessand experienced a bit of relief as well as when I was reading the bible I felt okay..The teachears are preaching a psychologic method called Transactional Analysis, which is I thinkpretty much demonic, they use it heavily, more about that could be seen on wikipedia TA END—–