☩ Walking in Light with Christ – Faith, Computing, Diary

This terrible constant pain feeling that’s inside is there to stay.I do keep my attempts to isolate what is the cause of it.I have a couple of theories. That it might be related to thewater in the dormitory here or the place itself.Like we know from the bible that there are cursed places,like Sodom was before God destroyed it, however we knowalso that Lot was rightous and God spared him. I alsorecently have red while I was doing my usual bible readingsbefore sleep time that our Lord Jesus commanded the Holy Apostlesto say “Peace be to this house” regarding every house they usedto enter. The Lord said if the house is worthy let apostles peace bethere. I just experimented with this I said in the house “Peace beto that house” with the hope that this place God might considerworthy. However I have so much internal struggles apart from thepain I’m constantly facing temptations from the enemy of accusationsof other people and claims that they do stuff wrong, satan istrying to influence me really badly. Yesterday I was on a vergeto a burn out. This week I had plenty of work to do. I tried my best.Many things happened this week.First on Tuesday under my influence and the decision of our projectmanager to quit, we experienced her statement that she is out ofthe project. We had to select a new PM, after some voting there weretwo options between two girls eventually we ended up with Ina beingour new PM (I wasn’t completely convinced that this is the correctthing to do, because of her dominant character, however at the endI accepted the fact. And tried a couple of maneuvers with the clear aimto clear up all sort of offenses that I raised again anybody in the groupand the same time to try to decrease the gap that’s being formedbetween me and some other “key” group members. The change of the PMhad been a wise choise since the old PM Bianca (great girl btw!, really impressive) but the problem was she tried to manage the group in too “open” way.And the students weren’t of course on the level to handle that, thereforeshe couldn’t make it. Well I suspect her exit of the project was quite plannedand there is some good reason between it as well as a benefit for everybody(guess that was a strategic move). The teachers are quite a lot playing with us,literally, manipulating the situation as always, I really hate that Oh Lord I just hope that the Lord God would deliver me from this evil thinkers. Well all this teachers I could see they think that business could be profitable only if you act manipulatively on ppl, hide your cards always plan and trigger events on your behalf. Well I personally believe this is quite a lot satanic, so I decide to follow God and not to follow this behaviour. Or better to say take only parts of it like triggering, but the way for triggering to be honesty and openness instead of the opposite way. Anyways this post is getting too long so I’ll try to hasten it a bit. Yesterday we went with Zlati to Nijmegen as he said he is coming here on Tuesday. He slept at my place, he went out with some Asian guys, I had to went home to fix some stuff a qmail installation on one of the new servers that I had to configure for Winner Ltd. Happily with God’s help I managed to complete the task after a lot of tampering in the qmail components. The day after we went with Zlati to Nijmegen, I had to note the two way ticket was quite cheap (only 4.50 EUR). There weren’t much to be seen in Nijmegen, the only nice thing we saw there was actually a couple of buildings as well as a probably traditional wedding in the Netherlands.It was funny really the guests were taking pictures with the bridegrooms infront of a Church, and they were on their way to lock the Chuch right afterwards the marriage .. Oh Lord, that was so bad to see we have gone so miserable and unbelieving the wedding within a Church has become the next tradition we ppl have to follow, not seen really as a union in front of God and trhough God but just as something to make to tickle our selfishness …Anyways we were having a walk around Nijmegen when my father’s cousin ringed and told me they are infront of the dormitory in Arnhem. Well I had to ask her to wait for an hour because I was on the neighbor city Nijmegen, but there was no way I expected them to come later on at the evening. So hurried up a bit with our walk around the city and it’s shops. We got a free coffee in some pc selling shop through a coffee machine provided by AMD! So cool, great marketing. This machine pretty much did played a role in convincing me to buy AMD if I have to buy a new CPU in the future. We also take a look at a special alcohol grocery store,I haven’t seen so much alcohol brands in my life, that reminded me pretty much to the winery we visited a couple of weeks before in Amsterdam. I was thinking, people doesn’t need so much choice it’s too much … Well what I liked about communism was that at least the choice was in a limits so you could possibly be aware of most of the brands and be easy with them, instead of having so much choice that you absolutely lost in what to choose. We entered a couple of game selling specific shops ! Nice I would like to see more of this in the future, well you know I used to be a gamer in my past I guess this had left some trace of itself in me. Then we catched the train back for Arnhem it was only a 20 minutes travel. We were in Anrhem took the bus “connexion” and went back to the dorm. My relatives “cousin Zlatina and uncle Ivailo” came along and stayed at my room for the night, I loose myself a bit because I had probably a demonic attack and on top of that I’ve received an email from one of my bosses asking about some data about dbg dnses’s ips. I encountered the fact he needs our dnses so therefore I replied him back with an email pointing to the dbg dns tutorial. He got mad and replied back with an email attempting to accuse me that it’s my fault and I don’t read my mails because he wanted the “IP addresses”. Then I got a bit irritated and at the same time felt bad and firstly I thought that he might be right, but then after rethinking it I realized that I did the right think because he asked for DNS-es and actually it’s not possible by RFC standards to put an IP for a DNS. Thus I bringed him back an email explaining all this and asked him for some more clarification on the matter in order to know shall I do a records in the dbg dnses or not, since then I never have received an email from, well thanks God. What really pissed me of on top of that was a demonic forces which tried to attack me, a spiritual sadness plus some desperation and irritation from the fact that my partens had sent me food which will sufficient for at least 3 months without me buying anythink else than bread, they sent 6 box full of provisions, one of them was fully full with Bulgarian tins containing meet and on top of the box was ones containing pork meet. Heavens you could imagine how irritated and hurt I was by all this considering the fact that I said to my parents numerous times: ” Do not send me tins, I’m fed up with tins cause I eat tin food here, most of the time”, anyways they haven’t really listened to me … as usual so I got pissed up and flared up(exploded). So I acted pretty stupid in front of my cousin, then I had to give them two my apologies for the stupidities I’ve said or done, but still I firstly begged them to pick up all the tins containing meet, happily we ended to a consent that they’ll pick up the port tins and I’ll eat the rest of the tin after the Lent is over. However I felt pretty much bad of the fact that i had to have a cardboard box full of meet containg tins through the whole Lent period. I have to note that I did broke the Lent already a lot of times because I had some cappuchino left for drinking from before and yesterday also I ate a lot of Bulgarian cheese together with my relatives, we also did had a nice chat and drinked two small cups of the traditional drink “Rakia” i was really refreshing really! Just to clarify things up a bit I usually hate “Rakia”, this time it was great 🙂 Then some few hours later we went to bed I slept on a place where Plamen slept next to the heater laying on a couple of pillows of a sofa jointed together. I slept quite okay although only for a couple of hours. I couldn’t sleep more cause of Ivailo’s voicy snoring. Today early in the morning we drinked coffee together had another chat, they encouraged me to be more brave and not to spirit lifted and I sent them to continue with their travel to Belgium where they have to look and buy some of the firnuture they sell in their tiny futniture shop in Dobrich. Wow I know that post became huge … Thanks and Glory to God for keeping me still running on! Glory Oh Lord! Recently I use to listen to a lot of Larry Norman related music in last.fm, I feel it like quite beneficial for putting me out of this terrible bitterness feeling that keeps to rule me on. Glory God!END—–