Well I'm not so sick anymore. I'm feeling bad emotionally spiritually. I'm not sure. I have no idea what's happening in my life. I don't see the guidance of God. I'm having sexual thoughts and wan't to sleep with some female, I guess this is not good since I'm a christian. Actually I really don't have idea what to do with my life. FUCK I'm so LOST! I was out with Lily for a pizza and a coffee smoked 4 cigarettes then went to a new Market here in the town. Well the market was very brighty and clean, on two stages the one was a food/bevarage market. The other with tech stuff. Some time before we went to the market. My mood got fucked up and I stopped talking. Well shit why the Hell I'm here. I have a re-exam in Monday. It was supposed to study at something today. But my state didn't allows me too. I just want to lay somewhere and die. I'm so lost I feel spiritually broken again. How much, how much will this thing continue. When will God bless me with that which my soul desires? Will I be alive for this moment? I'm wondering more and more. I've read some of my bible after I went home some prophecies about the End Times, the book was Ezdra. After that listened a little of NiN feeled even more bad than before right now I'm listening again to http://www.christianindustrial.net. Lord where are you leading me too? Why don't see a vision for my life? Does my life have really a meaning and what it is. I've googled for some time for a phrase like "Christianity not working for me" and found a page which claimed. There is no life after death as classical Christianity claims and that heaven and hell are internal states experienced, here on earth, I think maybe there is some truth in this to some extent. Guess time will show (Or maybe Death).
Tags: bevarage, bible, brighty, christian, cigarettes, classical christianity, coffee, end, extent, googled, guess time, guidance, heaven and hell, home, idea, internal states, life, life after death, lily, moment, Monday, page, phrase, pizza, prophecies, quot, sexual thoughts, sleep, something, soul desires, state, time, today, truth, wan, what to do with my life